Thursday, January 20, 2011 was my first day of maternity leave from Starbucks. I had my 38 week prenatal appointment that morning at 11:10 am with Dr. Chou. At my previous appointment my blood pressure was a little high so they checked that and it was back down to normal. Dr. Chou checked my cervix. 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced!
After the appointment I was ready for lunch and called my mom to see if she wanted to go out. Off we went to Uno Chicago Bar and Grille (I craved the pizza skins.) We met for lunch at 1pm, had some great food, and made final plans for our baby shower the next night. At around 2pm we finished lunch and paid our bill. Mom saw her best friend Michelle sitting across the room with her daughter and went over to say hi. I gathered my purse and coat and heaved myself from the booth. As soon as I reached their table I felt like I was peeing my pants. I looked at my mom and said, “So I either just peed myself or my water broke.” She said, “I think it was your water! Let’s go check.” I waddled my best without walking in long strides to the bathroom and sure enough, there it was. I was soaked and my mucous plug had passed without a doubt. We both started crying. I called Nick and told him that my water just broke and that I was going to call the doctor, and I’d call him right back. He asked me, “Are you ready mommy?” I just cried and cried.
I called the doctor and told them that I was pretty sure that my water broke and they told me to come in right away and that the midwife Mimi would see me and check everything. I called back Nick and told him that I was headed over to the doctor and that I would see him there. My mom helped me clean up as much as possible and got a couple trash bags from the waitress. We went out and told Michelle that this was it and she started chanting “Go Amber, Go Amber” and the whole restaurant joined in. Everyone kept telling me congratulations and good luck. It was so funny because the entire pregnancy I was so terrified of my water breaking in public. But it really wasn’t that bad. I only leaked on their floor a tiny bit.
Mom drove us over to the doctor’s office, which was luckily less than 15 minutes away. On the way over I called my mom-mom and my aunt Brandi. Brandi told me how much she loved me. Then she asked who I was having with me when I gave birth. I told her that it was going to be my mom and Nick. She asked if she could be there with me. She said, “I’ve had two, but I’ve never seen it. I want to see it.” So I told her yes of course. She’s just like a sister to me, and I was so excited to share it with her. She had her babies within two hours of being admitted to the hospital so I missed them but she wanted me to be there. So I knew I had to have her with me.
At the doctor’s office I couldn’t stop shaking or smiling. I was so full of emotion. I was so very nervous. And anxious. Excitement was the most overwhelming of them all. There was an older gentleman on the elevator with us and he asked when I was due and I told him, “two more weeks but I’m in labor right now!” He said, “wow! you go girl!” It was so funny!
I got in and was sent back to the waiting room. I stood in the back and another couple was sitting waiting as well. The woman looked to be about 5 or 6 months along in her pregnancy. Her husband said it looked like I should sit down, but I told him that my water broke and I didn’t want to ruin the chair. They both said good luck and then the nurse called my name. I was taken straight to a room and was told to undress from the waist down. I couldn’t get my legs to stop shaking. Nick showed up right when Mimi came in. She asked me to tell her what had happened. So I said that I was out to lunch with my mom and then it felt like I was peeing but couldn’t stop. She then checked my cervix and said, “Yay, your water definitely broke. It looks great.Your having a baby today!” She also told us that I had tested positive for Strep B and would need to go on antibiotics as soon as I got to the hospital. Nick held my hand and I started crying. She said to go straight over to the hospital. Our bag was at home still not fully packed. And my birth plan wasn’t printed either. I asked if I could go home to get my stuff first but she said no, that someone else should go get it so I could get the medicine as soon as possible. I got worried and upset and Mimi gave me a hug and told me that both the baby and I would be just fine.
Nick and I got in the car and headed over to the hospital, which luckily again, was less than 5 minutes from the doctors office. He rested his hand on my leg and prayed for me and the baby the whole way. I had my first real contraction on the way and it wasn’t anything like I had expected. I had been having braxton hicks contractions for the two weeks prior and those were a piece of cake compared to this. Before it was just a tightening in my belly and pressure in my lower back. This was a very strange electrical feeling shooting from my hips down into my pelvis. It was not pleasant at all.
We got to the hospital at 3:30 pm and went up to the 5th floor Labor and Delivery. I signed in and was taken straight to my room. The nurse gave me my gown, I changed and then got into bed. My step-dad Kane got there and he said he would go to our house and finish packing our bag for us. I made a list of everything and where he would find it. The nurse asked me some questions and I told her I had a birth plan but hadn’t printed it out yet, so she said that I could just tell her what I wanted/expected and she would put it in my file. The whole time I was talking I noticed her rolling her eyes. It really upset me that I was being treated that way. I had done my research and new what I wanted for my birth experience and I didn't have a nurse who was on my side. As soon as she left I told Nick that he needed to make sure he was adamant about my birth plan with me. He said of course.
Dr. Scott came in and I was so excited he was on call. He is my very favorite doctor in the whole practice. Unfortunately, he was only there until 5:30 pm. He knew that I didn’t want an IV during labor, but due to the Strep B, I had to be on IV antibiotics. So he told me that I was going to have an IV put in and that he would like to start pitocin. I wanted a drug-free birth. I told him no, I did not want the pitocin, especially since I was already in labor on my own. His concern was the introduction of infection since my water had broken, and the pitocin would speed up the whole process. I still declined and he told me he would return before he left and check again. The nurse strapped the fetal monitors on me and I sent out text messages to my friends to let them know I was in labor. The next two hours were spent in anxious glee. Brandi showed up and Kane came back with our bags. Dr. Scott came back and checked my cervix. I was 3 1/2 to 4 cm. He told me again that I really should have the pitocin to make sure I dilated on a more consistent schedule to get the baby out in a timely manner. His major concern was the Strep B. I went ahead with the pitocin and he said that Dr. Scacheri was coming in next.
Now here is where my timeline is a little shaky. There was a lot going on.
Nick spent his time texting his friends and calling pretty much everyone in his contacts list. Once the pitocin started my contractions were much stronger. My mom was the only one who breathed with me. Over the next hour or so my room became a spectator sport. At one point there were 20+ people standing around and talking. Loudly. I wanted my DVD of Earth to be put on, but American Idol was on instead. And turned up pretty loud. I faced several contractions without Nick paying attention to me. Nothing was going according to my birth plan and I felt so out of control of the situation. I kept my mouth shut and just smiled and tried to be polite. I was so scared of being rude to anyone. Only a few of his friends actually came over to me and talked to me and asked me how I was. I laid in my bed in pain and spoke only to my family. Nick stood in the back of the room. Looking back on it now, I should have told them all to just get the fuck out. I’ve vowed to myself that if I ever have anymore children, that will NEVER happen again. It will be only my coach allowed.
I moved to my birthing ball because I couldn’t stand being on my back when the contractions hit. They were about 10 minutes apart at this time, and during my rest periods I talked to my family and got on my laptop. My mom-mom came in and she had no clue why I was sitting on a ball! My contractions started getting longer. And faster. It literally felt like my mid section, from right above my belly button to my thighs, was strapped to an electric chair. It was awful. I couldn’t stand sitting at this point. I stood and leaned on my mom during contractions for a while. I sat on the edge of my bed. I just couldn’t do anything to make the pain manageable. And the noise was making everything worse. I kept doing my lamaze breathing but it was just frustrating me more than anything since it wasn’t working. Nick finally made his way over to my side. He held hot towels on my back while I cried. My mom started crying because I was in so much pain.
My closest cousins and friends, Cathy and Cassi left my room in hopes that the others would follow suit. No such luck. It wasn’t fair that all of HIS friends were in my room and not mine. I wanted my family and my friends with me. I was obviously in a heap of pain and no one took that into consideration. The night nurse came on and when she came in she looked appalled that that many people were there. She came to my bed and she could see that I needed to be alone. So she told everyone to leave so she could check me. And they were told not to come back in. It was about 9pm. At this point and I was so beyond exhausted. My mom and Brandi held my hands and told me that I wouldn’t be failing myself or the baby if I decided to get the epidural. The nurse agreed. I had only dilated 2 cm more. Two in 8 hours. The nurse told me that if I continued on in the same manner, that I was just going to be so incredibly tired by the time I was fully dilated that she was afraid I wouldn’t be able to push. I cried and cried. My contractions were so close together. I don’t know what the exact timing was, but it felt like as one ended the next was starting. I was so tired. Physically and emotionally. I told the nurse to call the anesthesiologist.
I got the epidural around 10:30 pm. I had three contractions during the procedure and I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to stay still while the doctor was stabbing my spine with a giant needle. For the first hour after I could feel my contractions as a ball of hot pain in my left hip. The nurse moved me onto my left side so that the medicine could work its way over. Then I just felt a bit of pressure in my hips. And then nothing. No more pain. It was so nice to be able to rest. People came in to say goodbye. Nick turned down the lights and put on my labor playlist for me. I was tired but couldn’t sleep. My mom and Brandi slept and Nick went out to the waiting room to sit with his friends who stayed. Around 1am my mom woke me up and said that the nurse had said something about the doctor mentioning a possible c-section. Scacheri came in and checked me. Still 5 cm. No progress in 4 hours. He was pretty sure that the baby was in the posterior position, facing up. He recommended a c-section. I asked him if it was medically necessary. He told me that there was a fine line when it came to “medically necessary.” I asked if I could have a little more time. He said he would be back in two hours and check me again. If there was no more progress he was highly recommending a c-section.
I didn’t sleep at all. My mom went out to the waiting room and got Nick and we told him what the doctor said. He stayed in the room with me and brushed my hair. Scacheri came back in at 3:15 am. I had progressed to 6 cm! I was so excited that my body had decided to cooperate. Scacheri still wanted me to consider going in for the surgery. But since I had dilated more I trusted my body to do it on it’s own. I asked for a few more hours. He said he’d be back again in two.
That one cm had renewed my hope. Nick went back out. I slept. But those two hours felt like 10 minutes. Before I knew it Scacheri was back again. I was still 6 cm. Again, he recommended a c-section. I wanted to know what would be the reason I absolutely needed to have the surgery. If the baby showed any sign of distress or if I developed a fever, they would have to get the baby out. A fever would increase the chances of the Strep B affecting the baby. I said okay. If either of those came up I would go in.
After he left the room my CNA came in to check my vitals. BP was great. Temperature was at 101.9. Scacheri was paged. I cried and cried. Brandi and my mom held my hand and told me I’d be just fine. I got sick. I couldn’t stop shaking. I was a wreck. Scacheri came in and asked me if I was ready to meet my little girl. He said it would be less than half an hour until I would be a mommy.
The nurses came in and prepped me. They told Nick what was going to happen and sent him off to get into his scrubs. My mom held my hand and told me she loved me. As they wheeled me to the OR, I passed a few of our friends who had waited the night out with us in the visitors lounge. The OR was cold and bright. The anesthesiologist greeted me and told me not to worry. I asked him to hold my hand until Nick could come in. I only remember Nick coming in and holding my hand and crying with me. There was some pulling and tugging sensations. Not much physical sensations were felt. It’s hard to explain in words the feeling that encompassed me when I knew Elodie was born. She didn’t cry. And Nick told me she was fine. But I mourned for a moment. I mourned for the fact that I had just had my body, my heart split into two and half was taken from me. I cried tears or sorrow, of joy. I now had to share this little girl that only I had known for 9 months, with the rest of the world.
I didn’t get to see her. They took her straight away to the NICU to do tests and to make sure that the infection hadn’t spread to her during labor. After Dr. Scacheri delivered the placenta, I was stitched and stapled up and sent on my way to recovery. I finally slept, thanks to the morphine. Two hours later they took me upstairs to finally meet my daughter. The moment I saw her laying in her tiny little bassinet I started crying. Not due to the many tubes and wires connected to her, but in pure and honest and devoted love. I had always heard that no one can ever know true love until they have a child, and I know this to be true for myself now. The nurse helped me unbutton my gown and laid Elodie across my chest. I nursed her for the first time with streams of tears running down my face.
